Shut up and listen
Tina returns, and is keen to discuss the importance of listening. Are you paying attention?
Published: 11 July, 2023
If I asked the question ‘are you a good listener?’ I would imagine most of you would think that you are.
Imagine the following scenarios;
- You are having a one-to-one meeting with a member of your team in your office. Your computer pings with an incoming email and you glance at the corner of your monitor to take a quick look at who it is from
- You are having your team’s monthly meeting and your phone or smart watch buzzes with a new message, and you take a quick look
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- You are having a discussion with a supplier/customer regarding an issue and something happens outside and you glance out the window to see what is going on.
In all the above, you are not actively listening.
Focus
Taken from the book ‘Stolen Focus’ by Johann Hari is the following excerpt. When I went to interview Professor Earl Miller, he says there is one key fact that every human needs to understand. Your brain can only produce one or two thoughts in your conscious mind at once. But rather than acknowledge this, we invented a myth. The myth is that we can think about three, five or 10 things at the same time. In the 60s, computer scientists invented machines with more than one processor so they could really do two things at once. They called this ‘multitasking.’ We took the concept and applied it to ourselves.”
What is really happening here, is we are switching from one task to another albeit quickly. So when we look at our phone, watch, monitor what we are really doing is disengaging and not listening to the conversation, switching back quickly and we lose focus.
When a customer is in your reception and makes it clear that they want to communicate, it should be about the customer not you or the business. A skill from front of house is to be able to make this customer feel important and listened to, whatever they choose to discuss.
Customer – “We were looking at visiting Vietnam this year.”
Your chimp brain is jumping up and down because you went there six months ago. In your head you are putting together your reply –
“I went there, it’s amazing. I stayed here, I visited here etc.”
This is a classic example of listening to respond and not to understand. You have missed the part where your customer says – “but sadly my wife had a stroke and now we can’t go”
The clue is in the first sentence, we were looking. It is in the past tense.
Your response would have been much different if you had listened to understand. “Sorry to hear that. How are you and your wife coping? Could we help in the future by collecting your car for you?” Imagine how your customer felt when he left your reception in this instance.
Active listening
Not listening is not a visual thing. You cannot just see that someone is not listening unless they are drumming their fingers impatiently on a desk. It is just the inability to pay attention to what someone else is saying, you hear but you don’t listen. Actively listening means that you give that person your full attention, ears open, eye contact and mouth closed. There are ways to show that you are paying attention, you can repeat the last few words that someone has said, you can nod at the appropriate time and you can reiterate what you have heard when that person has finished to ensure you have heard and understood.
Think about the message that you give when you don’t listen to understand;
- Your views are not important
- You are not important
- You are wrong
- I know this already
- You are wasting my time.
Imagine that you are a manager and every time an employee tries to address a problem or an idea with you, you give them the listening to respond treatment. Normally because you get defensive or think you know better. What do you think happens over time? Yep, got it in one, they stop trying.
So, we have established that we cannot multitask and there are always distractions, so back to the question ‘Are you a good listener?
- The squeaky wheel gets the oil
Most of us will reluctantly admit that, at times, the loudest problems or customers, get our attention.
Why do we feel the need to discount or offer something to those customers who shout the loudest? All our customers come with their own needs, some may ask a lot of questions, some may complain, some are very needy and require a lot of information and support. Sometimes the ones who complain are giving voice to those that are quiet and just drift away without voicing their opinions. So why do we reward those that shout the loudest?
This can come in many forms. Here are just a couple of examples. There is the aggressor. Their body language and their manner are aggressive, and they are very demanding. Shouting the odds, blaming someone else for their problems. These customers can make us feel intimidated and scared. There is the emotive. They are upset, displaying tears and self-pity. These customers make us feel emotional and bad about the situation. In both scenarios, it is normally about the costs or the time to carry out the repair.
Often, a conversation with an explanation is enough, but remember, we are running a business, we cannot just start giving out discounts to every customer who comes in showing the above behaviour. Ultimately, it is not our problem that the customers vehicle is broken or how much it costs to repair. Finding the balance in the dichotomy here is very hard.
The biggest mistake we make, is that we do not listen, attentively listen to understand. We need to listen with our ears, eyes, and bodies. Give that customer the feeling that they and what they have to say is the most important thing. Your listening skills demonstrates dignity and respect for your customer. There will be times when you feel like interrupting as you do not agree with something that they are saying, but wait, listen. Let them talk themselves out, reiterate what has been said so they know you have taken it all on board. Do not argue, you cannot win an argument. Even if you shoot down the other parties’ point of view with evidence to prove that you are right, you have still not really won. You, will feel great, you have won, haven’t you? What about the other party? All you have done is make them feel inferior, embarrassed, downtrodden. Is this how you want to make your customer feel?
Many bad situations can be resolved by listening, taking the emotion out of the situation and being empathetic. Stay assertive, this does not mean being aggressive. Be influential rather than argumentative. After all, prevention is better than cure. Remember, in every situation, how you respond affects the outcome.
When we offer a compromise, a discount, an offer that can be used later, a car valet or some other service. All we are doing is feeding the lion.
Why don’t we offer this to our loyal customers, those that come back time and time again, no complaints just quiet happy customers? How many of us know who are real loyal customers are, not just those that spend but those that are our raving fans and recommend us to everyone they know? How many of us reward those customers?
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